A day for children to appreciate their Dad’s, or guardians. A day where all you hear is, ” Happy Father’s Day!” A day where you hear what a fun filled day you had with your kids. A day where all you hear is about Dad and their kids. A day that is difficult for a grieving Father. A day that is uplifting, yet heart breaking all at the same time.
John has always been the strength in our relationship when it comes to Giovanni, but I could tell this upcoming Father’s Day was especially difficult for him. He couldn’t escape all the buzz surrounding Father’s Day. What his co-workers were going to do with their kids that day, friends, family etc. It’s hard to see any raw emotion out of John, but I could see it the week before, and on Father’s Day.
Last year, when losing our son a month before Father’s Day, everything was still a whirl wind, and we really didn’t have time to soak and absorb everything that was being thrown at us after all we had been through. With the death of Giovanni, and right after that, John’s grandfather passed suddenly, it was a lot to take in.
So, this Mother’s Day and Father’s Day really hit us with reality. It was as if jealousy, and envy had captured us on these two beautiful holidays. Jealous that we didn’t get to completely engulf ourselves with the normality of Mother’s and Father’s Day. At the same time, I felt happy that these people were able and blessed enough to be able to tell stories of their beautiful day with their children. The emotions that attack us on a daily basis are unpredictable.
Father’s Day came and gone in an instant, I got John a beautiful Father’s Day card with a hand written message inside about our son, the difficulty of today is for him, and his admirable strength and love, and a couple gift cards to his favorite things.
I think what really upset John before Father’s Day is when he was having a normal conversation with a perfect stranger. When you hear a person speak extremely poorly of their own children and advise you to never have any, and seem completely ungrateful, you can imagine the rage sparking in a soul that has lost a child of his own. As I would have had a difficult time holding back my true thoughts, I don’t know how John did it.
All in all, the day was difficult, we got through it, and made it into a beautiful day. But then again, every day is a struggle when you’re dealing with child loss, and like I said before, it is truly unpredictable.
We knew Gio was right by our side on Sunday, celebrating John as a Dad, and as always, rooting for us. =)